“Dear God, I want a unicorn”: A young person’s experience of Faith and Theology

One of my earliest memories is of walking down the driveway with my Dad on the way to church, when I was around three. Since then, I was raised by a religious parent (a Professor of Theology) who encouraged my journey of faith, and a parent who was indifferent to my experience, based on their own agnosticism. As the youngest of three children, I also had the participation of my siblings to observe in church services; watching them take Communion when I wasn’t yet old enough, or being asked to deliver readings to the congregation weekly. These are things that I desired to be a part of, regardless of the religious implications that they had on my life.

My personal journey of faith developed when it became my decision whether to attend church. My siblings would choose to miss a week if they had alternative commitments, or decide that they would prefer the Sunday morning lie-in. Yet, I experienced a continued fascination with the participation of practices, despite their origins being centuries prior, and would ask myself why, regardless of change and development, these specific beliefs had spanned the years. In addition, from my early experience of education, I had discovered a stereotype of religious people being unintelligent; they were not ‘smart enough’ to understand why their beliefs were obviously wrong in light of scientific discoveries, and were victims of a highly influential movement which had indoctrinated them. However, this was contradictory to my experience – my Dad was one of the most intelligent people I knew, yet was also my religious role model from a young age. I was interested in why so many people I knew broke this stereotype, and why religion was still so prevalent in the lives of some, and not others in modern society.

My interest in theology continued to develop alongside my academic ability – my Dad would engage in continued discussion regarding sermons, and offer alternative interpretations. He would often disagree with the way that a theme was presented, and encouraged me to form my own opinion regarding what the preacher had said. I regularly asked for advice when attempting to apply controversial passages to my experience of modern society, and these discussions were my first insight into what study of theology had the potential to be. This consistent discourse revealed a subject in which a person was never ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, but where views were constantly reevaluated due to a person’s unique understanding of the world. At a young age, this was the pinnacle of what I thought studying theology was.

I faced some criticism of my faith as an early teen. Interested friends would often ask me to pray out loud before bed, yet would later belittle me by laughing and asking God for a unicorn…I was never too hurt by these experiences, as I believed that my friends just didn’t understand my faith, or relationship with God, and that was OK with me. However, the reduction of my personal communication with God to a general ‘wish list’ in life, has stayed with me as a constant reminder that faith is undeniably subjective. When I chose Religious Studies at GCSE, I was in a class of twenty-five, where I was the only openly religious person. When doing certain topics, I would get asked if I too was against same-sex marriage (like our course implied all Christians to be) and whether or not “God would be happy” if I swore. As a firm Methodist, I was frustrated at the lack of representation of the views of different denominations, and felt that I did not identify with this portrayal of ‘Christianity’. I became used to other young people trivialising my faith in school, and was certain that it would not stunt my interest in an academic pursuit of this subject, which had already helped my personal understanding.

This summer I will sit my A-Levels in History, Politics, and Religious Studies. In the latter, I have found the reduced focus on Christian practices refreshing, and have found new interest in more particular aspects of theology, which I was never able to study previously. Due to my interest in history, I immediately found the reality of New Testament studies fulfilling. Studying theology from a foundation of historical insight was an exciting potential, and I quickly found a keen interest in biblical studies. Gaining understanding into the origins of ‘Christian Codes of Living’ that are so widely established, was necessary if I were to live and explore the rest of my life as a Christian. Now at eighteen, theology is no longer simply learning about the practices of a religion which I already identify with, but instead learning about how the history of my faith, and the alternative views of others, affects the way that I see the world, and the potential impact that I can have.

When approaching my study of theology at University, I have been wondering about why. When writing my personal statement last year, I was certain that I needed a clear answer. My experiences of religion this far have shaped an understanding that this subject is not just something to participate in personally, but also something which can extend into an academic passion, and fuel my drive for further learning and understanding of the world. Theology can alter the way a person experiences life, and the judgements they make regarding the consequences of decisions. I want to ensure that I am doing everything I can to guarantee that I can grow and develop, both academically and personally, into someone who has the potential to stimulate respect and acceptance, based on understanding rather than superstition.

It is evident that at least part of my interest in theology has stemmed from my personal experiences of religion from a young age. I believe this to have developed into an academic passion as my educational career has developed. As I considered this perspective as a foundation for theological interest, I released that, to a large extent, I identify with Anslem’s project of ‘Faith Seeking Understanding.’ His explanation of “For I do not seek to understand in order to believe, but I believe in order to understand,” resonated with my experience of looking to theological, academic inquiry, from a basis of established faith. Exploring the works of others, and beginning to develop the knowledge required to understand, has been an exciting part of my continuing academic progress.

However, it would be inaccurate to claim that an effective study, or curiosity about theology, could only be pursued by those with a religious upbringing, and how that is fostered over time. I would hope that, if my upbringing had been different, I would still have found the same fascination in this subject, due to its encompassing nature, and accessibility. I am grateful that I have found this subject captivating at such a young age, and am excited to have the potential to continue to develop academically and personally, as a result.

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© Anna Clough, 2023.

This work is licensed under Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-NC-SA 4.0).

Cover Image: “White and Pink Unicorn Plush Toy on Bed” by Karolina Grabowska is free to use under the Pexels license